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抓住我这一秒钟手里的机会
搭上了梦幻王国最后的机会
想飞 就飞 跳出老土的范围
绝不后悔 现在起
听我指挥
vbec
I crave words.. Nomnomnomm.
Yum,
Vbec
Love’s debacle,
Earthy, rancid stench.
Post tremor fog.
Raising in it’s wake,
Mortal inferno which
Lingers on like a
Wraith from the past.
And you stretch,
Your weathered hands.
Make feeble circles in the heavy air,
Of none expectant-pregnancy,
As your members liquify.
“What a clinical affair.”
Butterfly, you say, fly away.
And painlessly
I was gone.
Yet, here today I cruised
The outlier, and heard
The banshee’s song.
Emanating from the fissures
…I’ve carved… so unwittingly.
Stability, far fearful future, fiend.
Inconsequential it was not,
I paused and pondered the measures
;Sisyphean;
And thought much more, before
I lifted off,
Away from the
City of lost lovers’ due,
The centrepiece today,
Was you.
my ode,
Vbec
P.S. Never meant to hurt anyone, never knew I could. : ( Stay grounded
I’ve decided that I’m not an agnostic. I’m a fideist.
“Fideism is an epistemological theory which maintains that faith is independent of reason, or that reason and faith are hostile to each other and faith is superior at arriving at particular truths (see natural theology). ” – Wikipedia.
Today’s sermon at chapel was interesting, but it doesn’t answer the question of “Why christianity?” Even if faith is so abundant in pragmatic value, why should we invest it in Christianity? I’d like to know for myself.. tho Im sure ravi zacharias wrote on this topic before.
Come on abraham, focus! Break the impossible into manageable bits. Step by step!
Met you twice today, we make invisible connections, and you make me sheepish. let’s talk. please?
Vbec
The tangle that is my thoughts, this wealth of emotions. I shall will myself to tame this consciousness.
To my friend: It’s hilarious how everyone likes to think that the world revolves around them. When really, the farthest anyone goes in terms of investing their thoughts on another human being is probably, in quantifiable measures, 5 minutes? Or even a split-second judgement from the surface… then they’re immersed in their own consciousness again. So don’t be too concerned with what they think you should do, or change about yourself. You know yourself better than they do.. Keep smiling! (:
halt!
Vbec
“Every poem, is an epitome of the great predicament; a figure of the will braving alien entanglements” – Robert Frost
Surety, as we shall soon see with age, is merely an illusion. Though it is priced highly by society. We aspire to men of personal conviction, who progress by subjecting themselves to the masochistic rigour of discipline. Playing the game of life. Playing it well. And the masses genuflect to such figures, naturally cowering in their presence. Because society rewards merit. But what is society, but a human construct? Revolving your life around this slavish, uphill toil, is merely like playing a game. And at the end of it, u’ll realise you’ve barely stripped life down to its nubs, to taste the true flesh of this Fruit. Life is more than the accumulation of achievements. Life is more than YOUR religion. Life is more than YOUR culture. Life is more than YOUR life. Now, I’m not simply griping and scoffing at those who toil for status. With all due respect, they deserve the glory, and again, I emphasise that all ways of life are equally valid, and the only sin is for one to assert superiority over another: Can a beggar be wiser than the rich? In some ways definitely.. and vice versa (as we’ve learnt from our WOW trip).
What I’m getting at, with this blundering monologue.. is to encourage the embrace of uncertainty, despite the feeling of being “far from home” (Woodpile ref.). To choose not to take sides, and abolish absolutes of superiority and inferiority. Basically, to widen your mind beyond the surface of things/people, to imbibe the wisdom of the weed and admire the beauty of the flower. To hear beauty in a lullaby, and a prisoner’s wail. To perceive beauty in every genre of music, every piece of art and film. To pity the admirable, and admire the pitiable. To see beyond the common man, whose certainty is now his blindness. And to join those who are “undeceived” (as Hesse puts it) like the solitary persona in Frost’s woodpile, who braves the dissonance of reality, faltering and stumbling capriciously and beautifully – the spiritual drifter..
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing’s gonna change my world,
Nothing’s gonna change my world,
Nothing’s gonna change my world,
Nothing’s gonna change my world.
Om,
Vbec
For once, I was speechless when my friend came to confide in me about her walk with God. All my John Bevere, CS Lewis, Philip Yancey… books (believe me, I’ve got a shelf of them) didn’t help. If it was me, 2 years back, boy, I would’ve spoken the demon outta her. In a figurative sense of course! She’s perfectly fine. I feel like I’m in equilibrium these days. Herman Hesse’s right, each person’s journey is his own.
I’m kinda agnostic-ish now. Rather I’ve come to the conclusion that logic, at its farthest limits, cannot preclude the existence of God. Lack of proof and ignorance, disproves nothing. Any belief in God, is therefore purely based on FAITH.
I’m glad I went to school today. I like how you’re unafraid of solitude. In my wildest imagination, the whole world would (spot alliteration) freeze, and we would be the only two animate people. That would’ve given my a pretext to initiate verbal exchange in some way…. Wishing, as we all know, leads to nothing. And nothing will come of
Daily dose of avatar up in 12 minutes. Post on avatar and christianity brings alot of ppl to my site. Kinda cool I think. Must.. not… over..think…….
chem test, ioc prep.
GRATS TO PAM AND TIM AND XING HUI
GO ASTRO, YUEGUANG, REST OF CLASS!
ilup,
Vbec
Music in equilibrium. I like that this movement treads the twilight of emotions. It’s not definitively sad or happy. Nor does it simplistically convey hope or disappointment. It vacillates subtly. It’s the ambivalence of breathing, the bittersweet monotony of being.
今天 想做什么 比昨天多什么
成长 有点难懂 时间不会退后
坐着感觉不到 地球在动的节奏
马上站起来的冲动 打破等一等的懒惰
你开始动 别人就动 就在
太阳 底下 我们都被照射
发光 发热 看得见谁在把握
做一件对的事 这一天你会很快乐
下一个快乐也要超过
Vbec
As I wandered the mall with my family, just an hour ago, I tried really hard to want something. Within the emblem of modern-day capitalism, and the orchestrated satiation of wants and needs, I rationalised every want away. Swathed in the humdrum of intermittent crowds. Preoccupied with the mind numbing, robotic footwork of navigating myself between motely strangers… I was drawn into the recesses of my mind (I keep reminding myself to attend to the present moment). Repeatedly you recur in my consciousness.. I felt the inflammation of desire that one experiences as a subterranean dissatisfaction, brewing in the chest. The bitter sting of impossibility. Perhaps the greatest commodity is a person. I want nobody nobody but you.. I wish I could gaze at you..
Mind-boggling revelation from writing my EE:
In constructing our fantasy-version of reality, we establish coordinates for our desire… Our desires therefore necessarily rely on lack, since fantasy… does not correspond to anything in the real… At the heart of desire is a misregognition of fullness where there is really nothing but a screen for our own narcissistic projections. It is that lack at the heart of desire that ensures we continue to desire. To come too close to our object of desire threatens to uncover the lack that is, in fact, necessary for our desire to persist, so that, ultimately, desire is most interested not in fully attaining the object of desire but in keeping our distance, thus allowing desire to persist. Because desire is articulated through fantasy, it is driven to some extent by its own impossibility.
Taken from: http://www.cla.purdue.edu/english/theory/psychoanalysis/lacandesire.html
One’s attraction to another is dependent on lack, so that his object of desire becomes a narcissistic projection/mirror of his ideal ego. Actually getting to know one’s object of desire exposes it as an embodiment of our lack, leading to the ultimate collapse of one’s desire. Actually, I believe that getting to know one’s object of desire foils his/her perfectionistic concept of the object, as he begins to notice its flaws, leading to the undoing of his/her desire for it. This is what Lacan terms as the gaze, or the eruption of The Real. That is why desire is driven by its impossibility, because distance is required for its perpetuation, the desiring subject can never know the object. Which is why you are always alienated from your crush. To a large extent, I believe that the gaze is necessary for any healthy individual to grow. Because to prolong one’s desire is to be mired in inaction and lack. Accepting one’s lack, and the materiality of his existence (flaws and all), before trying to achieve his ideal ego from within himself (as oppose to the act of projecting it on someone else) is really the way to go… For instance, a woman might make the choice to establish her inner independence and manhood, instead of surrendering to penis envy. Marriage persists long after the gaze occurs, eventually evolving lust into love… Because to lust is to take, but to love, is to give. Love is after all, sacrifice.
Vbec
What a day!
“有时候爱是一种眼神 赶走所有苦闷”
vbec
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