“INFPs seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect. They often have a subtle tragic motif running through their lives, but others seldom detect this inner minor key. The deep commitment of INFPs to the positive and the good causes them to be alert to the negative and the evil, which can take the form of a fascination with the profane. Thus INFPs may live a paradox, drawn toward purity and unity but looking over the shoulder toward the sullied and desecrated. When INFPs believe that they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. The atonement, however, is within the INFP, who does not feel compelled to make public the issue.”

I think i’m not purely infp anymore. As in, I used to be extreme infp, but it has watered down with time. More pragmatic values have been instilled within me. I’ve learnt from my friends about proper social skills, and coping strategies and whatnot. I used to feel intensely isolated from everyone, like INTENSELY. But now I’ve been desensitised. It’s no longer black and white. It’s sometimes grey, and.. colorful. I think the whole point of this meyer-brigg typology thing is that once u discovered your traits, you have to bring what is excess, into moderation – which kinda makes life insipid. I do miss being that extreme, awkward person that was so painfully aware. I’ve normalised myself. But fundamentally, a leopard never changes its spots. I am still pretty disconnected from people, and I realise that I hardly establish any close relationships with my friends. It’s more touch-and-go. Yea we do have really meaningful convos. But that’s it. I’ve yet to have that one friend. Some people can make do w/o such a connection. I think I’ve given up on looking fr someone like me. Kinda saddening.. I guess coherent personas (which is the norm) appeal to people more, and that’s the front I try to put on. Maybe because people have this need for order? I dno.

Personally, I ADMIRE people who are steadfast, but I IDENTIFY with ppl who change it up, who are never fixed. Like my love, christina aguilera. She fascinates me on so many levels. I often find it embarrassing to admit this. Cuz, u noe, its just not a guy thing to like her given her garish bubblegum pop background… But I say, what’s wrong wit that?.. Though she may not be the brightest or the most poetic, she’s constantly asserts her identity and choices she make, no matter how flawed they are. She’s able to rise above people’s opinions and her troubled childhood. She’s a walking paradox as well. She sings about taboo topics and religious themes within the same album. The social mask many put on today is one of consistency. Any side step from this expectation is returned with disapproval. But behind this dissimulation, everyone has a sexual and religious side, and many other sides..

I think I identify with her because her stripped album came out during a period of time in my life when there was a lot of inner turmoil. And the first time I heard her voice I had shivers and goosebumps. I think i’m obsessed with her. I listen to a wide array of music, but with her, its just another level of devotion. I also recently found out that Bill Watterson’s Calvin is an INFP. No wonder I love the comic. This was the first song I heard from christina.

And u gta watch this. She’s dressed as a nun:

Vbec

P.S. I know I write a hell lot about myself. Maybe Im egocentric. But I’ve always had this drive for self-discovery.