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I had a 2hr+ convo with loraine on the phone yesterdae, duno why, but when I talk with her about God and how He’s so great. We lose control.
She told me that she wants her kids to be ’super-on’ for God, and She’ll teach them the things of God the moment they open their eyes. What a heart for God. Reminds me of Timothy’s godly grandma and mother. From the Bible.
I really thank God for this sister, her unassuming nature, is so not-of-this world. I mean who else is grieved over shouting at her brother and getting grumpy because it was not right in God’s eyes. God give me heart, humble and breakable. Like her’s, like Jesus’
And recently all my dreams have been so dark. full of unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy. It’s like my sinful nature repressed. And I wake up feeling so filthy and unworthy of God.
This morning, Loraine sent me an SMS from a hymn she read that saes: “wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus.. greater than all my sin and shame” That just spoke to me.
As I was looking for a verse that saes, something like God’s mercies are new every morning, God allowed me to flip directly to it. Haha, not the first time this has happened. I hope i’ll be exempted from this method soon. But thanks Dad. So i flipped to Lamentations 3:19-26.
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
His great unfailing love is the only thing sure in my life. I felt realli loved at the end of it.
My youth plans to come up with a cd for fundraising for the mph, and the very gifted laverne asked us to submit lyrics and melodies to her. She mentioned my name. lol. Honestly, though i acted like i dint bother much. I wana write something that people can sing to the Lord. Through all my experiences with Him. God put me through the fire. The crucible for silver, and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart. Give me a pure heart and clean hands to offer You praises with.
Ah, so many kewl things happened and I dun have the energy to write them down. Haha. Not just in the cf retreat. There’s the exodus thing, and the ‘keeping vigil’ revelation from God. That was realli kewl. To God directly confronting me right after the retreat. On saturday. I feel like the rich young man in the gospels.
Jesus asked him if he commits adultery, murder etc.
(the bottom commandments)
Then Jesus asked him t give all his wealth away and follow him
(The most important commandment:Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul…..) And he just walked away.
God basically placed me at a crossroad and asked me to choose Him, or my treasure. And the thing was, I named my treasure during the discussion. He realli likes to corner people. But for our good definitely. I believe as what amos prayed, if I honor Him, He will honor my decision. I dun care what others think. Im gonna do it. He’s my vindicator aniwae. Let them sae what they wana sae.
Another kewl thing was that, right after I finished writing the poem, “it’s nice to”, ending with it’s sometimes nice to walk alone. I went to my friend’s friendter page, and God spoke to me in the most unlikely places. He had a tag on his page that says “you’ll never walk alone”. Boom.
Loraine abruptly asked me halfway thru the convo if I wanted to become a pastor. And she was officially added to a whole bunch of other people who asked me that question before. Even my sec 1 friend dillon asked me the same question! And I wasn’t even talking to him about God. I was talking to him about GOLF. -.- I even told my chinese teacher that I wanted to become a pastor next time, and she was like “ORRRHHHHHhhHhh, na me de wei da” And she said that although working in this line meant little pay, she say it doesn’t realli matter to them.
Thing is, there was once when I was on my way home on a bus, I seeked God regarding His will for me life, I prayed a prayer that goes like “Lord show me your will for my life!”. And I flipped directly to 2 timothy chapter 4. Which reads.
“In this presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage —- with great patience and careful instruction.”
I freaked out.
Gonna go vivo later, MARCHEE!! wahahaha, with tim, mr kan, dach, and i think thaddeus also. Mr Kan’s treating. Im not so interested in the food, more in what mr kan had to share with us about. Cuz he said he had something to sae to us. I’m so happi with my brothers.
Sometimes being strangers in this world is so difficult. Sometimes we give up on God when we no longer need Him. Sometimes we are just but prostitutes. Like what the prophet jeremiah said. God showed me thru the incident after amath paper that that was how he felt like it, when I abandoned Him when He was no value to me. But the thing is, there was no one single moment in my whole life, when I did not need Him. I just didn’t noe that I needed Him. Sometimes it’s so diffcult to go against the crowd.
“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16)
I spent my whole morning with God todae.
Reminds me of one morning when i woke up with God on my mind. I woke up exceptionally early to spend time with God before church starts. And the first thing I flipped to was.
“Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love. The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover. (Song of songs 7:12-13)
Now imagine God saying that to you and me in the wee hours of the morning.
“Take my hand Lord, and carry me into your courts, into your holy gardens”
I’m realli tight with my cousins
I just stayed over at their house for two daes, and it is just the thing i needed
I diffused from a chamber of emo fumes to one filled with laughing gas.
We had macs on the first nite, and we ordered sakae last nite. HEHEH X)
And i taught her how to eat sashimi.. and she has chem prac for the big ‘O’s coming
Going for cf (christian fellowship) retreat till fridae, Yippeeeeee, and i have so much things left undone.
For starters i need to pack my bag.. Which means i need to take a bus home first LOL.
haha, I told my cousin last nite that if she didn’t sleep early, or she woke up earlier than 5, i’ll club her with one of her many trohpies, so i positioned one rite beside our beds.
And we took a run this morning, and realise for once that my cousin is actualli a cyborg. She runs 6km a dae sia.
That was before her Os
But she can’t keep up with me lar. Duh. If I lose to her im not a guy sia. Sommore She So Short –> (note: alliteration)
Our destination was ahbu’s shop (think, aladdin’s monkey). And we also watched some anime =X called lovely complex. chao farni can.
CF retreat!!! I have to be there by like 11.
Cherry tree, and the sea of glass. (born a fighter)
They beckoned me from a distant dream;
Of diaphanous shrouds.
Where the sky is the earth
And the earth, the sky.
The Cherry tree, and the sea of glass.
They allured me.
So, I sat ensconced there one day. (in a long time)
And never really did left.
Between the cherry tree
And the sea of glass.
I was born of dust. and of water.
I bend with the waves,
And am one with the wind.
They flirt with me day and night.
I grew roots.
Till the musty earth filled my insides.
Made me a ceramic display, a wretch.
I stilled myself, till i breathe not
Nothing did i sought.
And this is what I saw:
The clouds shifted,
But they do not move.
And the sea of glass;
Though it changes color.
It does not change.
The leaves of the cherry tree.
They fall, and the ravenous ground swallows them.
A year later they stubbornly grow back on the tree.
What irks me was the cherry tree.
It does not age.
And the sea of glass;
he saw generations pass.
While I waste away.
Erasing traces of;
Happy faces.
The children of horizon,
They danced an eternal dance.
In a circle of merry.
So ethereal were they,
I thought they were unreal.
Until, a child of adam, came.
He pranced from the horizon.
From the land of sleeping sun.
The rest looked from afar.
The rest. I think I know them.
From another life.
They came and go like misty rain.
He incised unspoken truths on the cherry tree.
And scarred it for an eternity.
He rebuked it and.
The sea of glass shattered that day.
That day, it changed.
His face shone like a thousand suns.
My downcast eyes cannot befall.
An angel of God, Himself.
Bringing panacea of words.
With a silent voice, like thunder.
So lying there, was a silent covenant.
That I will join the children of horizon.
In one or two days’ time.
In their waltz,
till the King comes.
To leave the cherry tree, and the sea of glass.
But if it’s alright. I’d like to stay awhile.
To kiss the dappled shadows,
goodbye.
Born of water and of dust.
Born a fighter.
Meant to last.
Thanks silent.covenant.
P.S. you write well. 
(understatement)
HI, I’M EMO, ELMO’S DISTANT RELATIVE. I HAVE A TATTOO THAT SAYS “STAY AWAY”. WANNA SEE?
Pro 18:24 “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. “
“Let your lips be hung with praise about your friend, when you are around everyone else, rebuke him only in private.” ~ quote from a random book, in a christian gift-shop.
I need not rebuke. What your rebuke has to offer, my heart beheld already. I need silent empathy. Ah, wth. My emoness has already been diluted by time. Maybe i shouldn’t have waxed my hair that way yesterday. In that emo-ah-beng way.
I have always carried this dark aura that chased ppl away, when I was going thru my pre-adolescent years. I thought God changed me. But I guess I still have it inside of me. I just gotta let it all out. And i’ll be ready to go again. Sorry for dampening the mood yesterdae.
My fault. heh.
I think this has something to do with my promise to God. I told Him i’d be home talking to Him right after exams ended. I didn’t honor that. I rarely honor any of my promises to Him. Sorry Dad. I’m sorry I fell. I’m just a man, and I know You know that. I just wish I could stop using that excuse so often.
The fumes of emoness is choking this room. Time to abscond to my cousin’s house. Help her out with chem.
Jesus’ arm was over,
Vbec’s shoulders. 
it’s nice to.
Now, JoyandMerry; they like me not.
I mean. They come and go.
Erratic like my hung-up fan.
And the tides that never fit
My visits to the beach.
I kept a notebook of all my desires.
I sew them to my heart.
There is the one that beseeches a friend,
Then some will say i try to hard.
And.They dealt me the card.
Joker.
I jest. Don’t I? I’ll jest.
I’ll jest till my wrath becomes madness
Then I shall burn you with it.
Boy, what a masquerade fest.
Now I know. No faithful friend to abide.
No one to go out of the way. Their road’s too comfortable.
Anyway.
(And to think, I’ve been there for them. I got ostracized for them.)
I laughed with Merry and kissed at Joy.
Merry had one thousand beside her,
Joy had ten thousand.
But I longed for one who faithfully stays.
Through my flaws, and my pains.
Till we weathered to my gains.
A dog perhaps is better.
They rob; I give freely
And they come back for more.
And I know no one’s perfect. I’m not asking for that.
I yearn a companion to walk through life’s
daunting road.
But i guess.
it’s nice to. Sometimes.
Walk alone.
cardiopulmonary resuscitation…
Blog revived.exe
Matrix, reenactment:
10101010101010101110101010101010101011010101010101010101010101010101010101
10101010101010101010101010101010101010101011010101010101010101010101010101
10101010101010101010101010101010001010101111101001011101010010101011110001
10101000101010101011110001010001001011011010100010010101001001001010101001
Blog cries: I Liiiiiivveee…… (rising from a coffin, like cheesy dracula movies).
Here’s to daryl and his newly procured pokemon guide pearl version. and his vehement decision to not get a refund. Cheers. (young at heart eh?)
And who noes what they’re gonna come up with. plastic version… or polytetrafluroethane version. Which is by the way, the material which makes ur pans non-sticky. It is resistant to heat and repels water. It is an organic compound that undergoes polymerisation without the removal of water. (source: Quek Ye Lik’s notes on organic compound part III, all rights reserved).
Pokemon world is so burgeoning, and so filled with an increasing amount of species that u might mistake that a nuclear reactor has exploded somewhere off of, what’s that island again? Cinnabar Island. Causing radioactive dust particles to spread all over the world. Funny thing is, only the humans did not mutate. Maybe their wearing lead badges, or lead gloves like Ashes.
WAIT. They did mutate. ASH HASN’T AGE IN THE PAST 10^8 episodes!
by now, u will noe this. that is im realli bored. wakaka.
Exams are gonna be over soon, and i made the decision to study harder. Nope not a kiasu student. Just wana study the Bible harder. I remembered how God spoke to me after an intensely long session of prayer that felt realli dry.
“Fill your head, with My Words”.
I guess that’s one of the prerequisites of hearing God’s voice clearly.
Grandma’s condition is getting from bad to worse. She’s more violent now, and my mom is going thru a mental meltdown too. The whole family’s looking to God la. He is the Prince of Peace AMEN?
He will bring us thru. This trial is His training ground for us all. As we learn to love the unloveable.
Yesterdae went dad’s cell and the whole cell started discussing the issue of my grandma. (she kept the pills my mom gave to her and accused her of trying to kill her with the pills?)
That’s why bearing each other’s burden is so important. It’s God’s gift, our brother’s and sisters in Christ. I truly appreciate them. They dint just gave spiritual advice but also practical ones. Hah. Hope in God. His Joy is my Strength. His name, my anchor!
I studied the whole week at my cousin’s house during the exams, cuz my mood is badly affected by the drama. I rmbed praying for my mom before i left, and she was like crying. I told her to be strong. and i told her to pray for gran too. Which she did after i left. My grandma jumped at her obviously, but she spoke in tongues, and my gran fell silent. And she even said thank you after my mom prayed for her! PRAISE GOD ))
My grandma is so torn in her past hurts and coupled with the combination of past idols, and this disease. sheesh. I used to imagine her soul as this badly screwed up, bedraggled figure lying in iron chains in the darkness.
“He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces.” amen!
(psalm 107, i won’t source the exact verse, read the whole thing)
Meanwhile, back at camp lazlo.. lol no. i mean church camp. and cf retreat. all coming up. Daruyo, got a favor to ask! Help me do the prayer vigil list? You know u wanna… 
Im supposed to speak on prayer and fasting this cf retreat. And.. Church camp is coming up. Im so not going to take higher level math next year.
THANK YOU JESUS.
“Where would I be without You, here in my life, here in my life.” ~ Hillsong, Savior King, Here in My Life.
My favorite fragment of imagination this week:
A whole arena of youths, roaring: “JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS!..” from the depths of their heart.
God’s unmoving protection and peace is engulfed over,
Vbec
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